PARTNER Vs PALS

When your spouse hates your friend, letting go of your old pal isn’t the way out


Parul got married to boyfriend Aditya two years back. An introvert, he had few friends of his own and didn’t want Parul to interact much with her friends either. After they got married, she gradually drifted away from her pals.


Snigdha’s boyfriend Gaurav did not approve of her best friend Shweta. He wanted Snigdha to part with her. Snigdha had a tough time trying to convince Gaurav not to make such a demand. Finally, she took a stand.
She asked Gaurav to better call it quits with her for she found no reason for breaking ties with her childhood friend Shweta. Gaurav soon realised his mistake. Though, Gaurav and Shweta still don’t meet or talk to each other, he knows that Shweta is an integral part of his girlfriend’s life and now respects their friendship.


Gossiping all day, enjoying pani-puri on the roadside, giggling at those not-so-funny incidents, crying on the other’s shoulders, keeping each other’s secrets, and calling each other up at ungodly hours to share something utterly stupid… the time spent with friends is one of the most wonderful periods of life.


But what do you do when your partner can’t accept your friendships? Absolutely ludicrous as the whole suggestion may sound, many close ties go awry and wear away eventually because of ‘the spouse’.
Many prefer bartering away their friendship, willingly or unwillingly, for the sake of peace in the house. “We wouldn’t be married without my best friend Sumeet’s support. From convincing Ekta’s parents to making all marriage arrangements, Sumeet had managed it all.


Initially, my wife and Sumeet bonded well. Soon after marriage, Ekta started avoiding Sumeet; she wouldn’t even come out of her room whenever he came home. He is the same guy whom she had once tied rakhi to.
Suddenly he was an ‘intruder’. Everything about Sumeet—mannerisms, sense of humour, body language—would drive her mad,” remembers Rohit Saluja, chartered accountant. He adds, “Now that we were married, he was needed no more. Tired of everyday fights with my wife over the issue, I had to distance myself from Sumeet. Thankfully he understood my position. Friends like him are difficult to find. Still I had to lose him.”
Sometimes, one of the partners forges bonds with the spouse’s friends, leaving his/her own behind. Quips writer Chetan Bhagat, “After marriage, either your friend is your wife’s friend too or he’s no more your friend!”


“While I try to befriend all her friends and make them feel comfortable when invited at our home, my wife isn’t nice to most of my friends. While I respect her space and relationships, I wish, she did the same,” says Prakash Paranjpe, a manager. 


“Whenever we had rows, he would bring up my best friend Sapna, criticising her and dismissing her as an intrusive, interfering element in my life,” reveals 27-year-old Aruna Thakkar, a housewife.
Upon realising that she was causing a rift in her best friend’s marriage, Sapna drifted away from me on her own. It’s been two years since. Sapna doesn’t even receive my phone calls,” says a dismal Aruna.
Some individuals don’t approve of their partner’s outings with friends after marriage. So they either go out together or don’t at all. Besides, some have reservations—they approve of one friend, and dismiss the others. It is as though they want to control everything in the partners’ lives, starting with friends.


In one such instance, a Delhi-based couple’s marriage had come to a breaking point. The rift in their relationship had to be mended by a marriage counsellor. It took time, but finally the unreasonable spouse understood that her partner had to be treated as an individual who needed his own space and freedom. She began showing more trust and understanding in the relationship. With time their bond strengthened.
“A reduced social circle leads to low self-esteem, stunted personality, limited social skills and a cloistered existence. This may lead to depressive disorders and ultimately the breaking up of a relationship.
For their own relationship to bloom, both men and women need to understand and appreciate each other’s need for that private space,” says Samir Parikh, senior psychiatrist at Max Healthcare, New Delhi.


Each relationship has its own place and importance in a person’s life. Rather than giving in completely to your other half’s wishes, give due preference to your wishes and desires at times. You need to prioritise.
It’s important to chalk out means by which neither the peace at home nor the age-old friendships suffer. “Even if it means no bringing friends home, it’s easier for guys to catch up with their friends outside home and continue with the friendship.

KAT’s OOMPH

From Boom, the movie in which she is skimpily clad, to Sheila Ki Jawani – the item number in which the actress without baring it all has oozed out that oomph, KATRINA KAIF has surely come a long way. She is sultry yet sweet; intense yet fun-loving. 

SHILPI SHUKLA ALEXANDER gets talking with one of the leading actresses of Bollywood…

Director Farah Khan did keep her promise of giving you the best item number of the year.

Yes she did. With so many fan mails an calls, Sheila Ki Jawani’s success did make me feel like a celebrated artist. Although a major credit goes to Farah as I just almost blindly followed her instructions.

You are rated as the hottest actress of Bollywood today.

This is for the audience to decide. But I don’t find myself hot or sexy.

Do you think you are lucky to have made it so big in Bollywood?
Surely. Not only do I get the best of films, they also turn out to be box office hits. This surely pleases and amazes me. However, I do wish that I was as lucky with bagging awards as well.

Year 2010 has been really good for you.

With hits like Rajneeti and Sheila Ki Jawani, I seriously couldn’t have asked for more. While rajneeti established me as a serious actor, this item number well showcased my dancing skills.

Given the fact that Farah is known for yelling at her crew and actors on the sets, how scary was it for you to work with her in the film?

Oh! I used to enter the sets with my hands trembling. I was so afraid of her initially. But thankfully she never yelled at me. She was either being too sweet to me or my wok did please her.

What qualities should an actress have to stand a chance in Bollywood?
To each his own. In my opinion, other than having loads of acting talent, one does have to have his or her own appeal. You must have something special that sets you apart from the crowd. It could be one’s oomph factor, beauty, grace, intelligence, ethnic looks, expressiveness, chirpiness or anything else. Every actress has her own plus point that draws the audience.

Did you always want to become an actor?

I always dreamt of becoming an actress. Acting was my biggest passion. But I never wanted to pick just any role in haste to make a place for myself here. With time, right opportunities came my way which I took no time in availing.

What would you be if not a model?

A model.

What kind of movies do you particularly love working on?

While I am open to doing different roles and prove my acting skills in all genres, I particularly love working on romantic comedies. This is one genre I directly relate to. I am eager to work on something like When Harry Met Sally.

Which actors are you keen on sharing screen space with?

I would love to work with Aamir Khan and Shah Rukh Khan. All I am awaiting is a call from a director for one such film.

Actresses are known to never be friends with one another. Have your say.

See. To be social or not is a personal choice, not professional. But if you are talking about professional rivalry, I must say that all of us excel in different genres. While Vidya Balan is known for her ethnic roles, I am good at playing fun roles. It is likewise with all other actresses in the film industry. So where’s the comparison?

What’s your beauty secret?

(Laughs) Onscreen, it is the camera, lighting and the makeup. And offscreen, it’s good food, exercise and mood. I largely credit inner peace and happiness for one’s good looks. So be happy if you don't want wrinkles on your face.

Do you have plans to enter Hollywood?

No Hollywood for me. I am quite happy with where I am at the moment. I might consider a few meaty roles in regional films though.

Which projects do you have in your kitty at the moment?

I have Zara Akhtar’s Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara that stars Hrithik Roshan, Abhay Deol and Farhan Akhtar. Then there is Mere Brother Ki Dulhan opposite Imran Khan.  Next is Dostana 2 opposite Abhishek Bachchan and John Abraham.

Is it true that you are soon planning to settle down with Ranbir Kapoor?

I prefer keeping my personal life to myself.

FREEDOM OF THE F-WORD

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander

Photo Credit: Ambro 

Is it the blatant use of expletives that offend people or is it more about the gender who is swearing? A discussion...

We have recently had Rani Mukerji utter profanities in public in the highly acclaimed movie No One Killed Jessica. The well-lettered sophisticated character that she played in the movie was even heard using the Hindi G-word on a flight – shocking fellow passengers and audience. Not many Rani fans able to take it in their stride while watching the movie. “I had gone to watch the movie with my kids. It was quite discomforting to have Rani Mukerji use foul language. I thought No One Killed Jessica was a family watch,” says chartered accountant Anil Makhija. When asked if he had watched Shah Rukh Khan and Aishwarya Rai starrer Josh, the pat reply was – “Oh! I loved the movie. It was such fun.” The lead song sung by Shah Rukh -  apun bola tu meri laila – despite having ample expletives in the lyrics became quite famous (not infamous though!). Anil does seem to like the song too! Such contrast reactions. Why? “Well, it’s okay for a man to use expletives. Like I didn’t like Aishwarya dancing to the tunes of ishq kamina in the movie Shakti – The Power,” says MBA student Tarun Wanvari.

While it’s never pleasant to hear them from any gender, it’s particularly unpleasant to have the softer sex pour out expletives. Seemingly, it’s never so much about the word as it is about the person swearing it.

It’s not about the word, but the gender

Photo Credit: Ambro

Expletives have always been a part of most cultures and languages. From the most elite to the downtrodden, people from different strata and class have used cuss words since ever. However, women have always been expected to refrain from using foul language. A world used to gender-specific behaviour accepts cuss words far more willingly from men than women. Our literature tells us that there has always been a general understanding that women, who indulge in name-calling, whether in Victorian England or traditional India, haven’t been brought up or educated well. It speaks low of their family backgrounds as also the socio-economic status. 

Gary W Selnow, a professor at the San Francisco State University and director of World Internet Resources for Education and Development (WIRED) wrote in his journal Sex Differences in Uses and Perceptions of Profanities, “Language always serves as the reciprocal role of reflecting shifts in society while simultaneously contributing to the character of that society.” “While my brother could use invectives even in the most casual scenarios, I was never allowed to swear words no matter how pissed off I was. This is the rule I follow for my daughter as well. I think this is the way most girls around the world are brought up,” says Kamini Verma, an English professor. Many women would agree with Kamini.    

Shifting trends

While men may not like it and many women still be wary of swearing words, social experts claim that the social scene is reversing today and women are heard using bad language more than their male counterparts. “Be it the corporate world or colleges, we now get to see more women than men using the F-word. The use of expletives doesn’t remain confined to that,” says Shobha Agarwal, a social commentator. “This probably is the modern woman’s way of expressing her freedom and strength in the corporate-social world,” she adds. 

Rimi Shukla, who has been working as a marketing executive for the last 10 years has seen a sea change in social norms, especially in the work culture. “There was a time when if a male colleague would use a bad word before a woman, he would immediately apologise. Surprisingly, today I notice women pour out profanities more than men, that oo quite apologetically,” she says.  

Agrees psychiatrist Dr Sanjay Chugh, “Women have always had to prove their strength, potential and skill in a society that’s essentially dominated by males. Today working women swear words to pass on the message – don’t mess with me – to their male colleagues.”

Cinema Comes Of Age

A lot has changed in the recent past. With the censor board getting more and more lenient, in many cases than not, many once-forbidden words, dialogues and concepts are getting uncensored entry in Hindi films. Be it the F-word or the ‘usual’ Hindi expletives with kamina or saala, one gets to hear a lot of these in contemporary movies. What with bold and crude movie titles like Kaminey, Ye Saali Zindagi, being the latest rage in Bollywood. “Like it or not, such titles do attract sharp reactions from people and pull masses to cinema halls,” says film trade analyst Taran Adarsh. 

“Gone are the days when an actor would react with a simple “what the hell” and a director would refrain from using cuss words in his script. We are more realistic today,” says filmmaker Vishal Bhardwaj whose films Omkara, Ishqiya and Kaminey had more expletives than one could possibly bear. All three movies were massive hits.

For director Sudhir Mishra nothing could be more annoying than the censor board objecting to the use of the word Saali – in his recent movie Ye Saali Zindagi. As per him, saali is not a gaali (abuse) at all! “In my film, I want to portray the imperfect world we live in today.” Is it the gender of the term that bothers members of the censor board? “The word saala was used 40 years ago in the song saala main toh sahab ban gaya in the movie Sagina, and no one objected to it. This has more to do with the gender of the word,” says Mishra. Nevertheless, the film got an A-certificate.

Defending her expletive role in the movie No One Killed Jessica, actress Rani Mukerji says, “I play a woman who uses Hindi expletives after being vexed enough by the society at large. It’s an expression of her liberation from the clutches of baseless societal norms that only tie women down, not men.” “Had the girl, I play in the movie, not been this tough, she wouldn’t have been able to seek justice in the bad-bad men’s world,” she clears her stand.

Like it or not, the trend seems to be reversing today. Whether for good or worse is quite debatable…

(This article was featured in BR International, a publication for Indians residing in HongKong.)

TIGER MOM TO YUMMY MUMMY

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander

American lawyer Amy Chua’s book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom has had parents from round the globe reviewing their parenting style. For youngsters, tiger moms are a strict no-no. What’s the take of Indian mothers on the same? A discussion…

Photo credit: photostock

Writer-lawyer Amy Chua swears by the principle: strict upbringing helps build children’s career and life. In her book, the writer proudly talks about how she made her daughter do 2,000 sums every night till she topped in mathematics in her class! One of the most controversial books, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom has created a buzz that very few books on parenting have managed to.

In Chua’s opinion, while western parents are extremely anxious about their children’s self-esteem, Chinese parents aren’t. “They assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently,” says the writer. While some Chinese parents might believe that their kids owe them everything, as Chua puts it, the pertinent question here is: how does the Indian mother fare in the parenting business? 

Maniacal momzilla

Known for their unconditional love, benevolence and sacrifice, Indian mothers have always been the prime mover behind their children. Little wonder that many blockbuster movies have centered on the theme of mother-child love. Lines like – mere pass ma hai (I have my mother by my side) – define the essence of popular Hindi cinema. However, with changing times, priorities and rising competition, how do we define Indian mothers today? Where do they fit in the polemic between the tiger moms and the ones who practice benign neglect? Is the Indian ma a tyrant to her kids, the one who over-pampers her kiddo or someone who, as a dear friend and guide, helps her child grow with strong value systems?

 “There is a mix of ideologies here. She sometimes masquerades as a martyrish Nirupa Roy character. At other times, she is the aggressive Kaikeyi, the king-maker, and can set off an entire epic. There are those who are constantly trying to stimulate their children's cerebrum, and also those who rather follow Kahlil Gibran's liberal philosophy that your children are not really your children but the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself . . .,” says social commenter Neetika Batra.

English lecturer Geetika Soni couldn’t agree more - “While some mothers are hard task-masters who expect their kids to excel in every field – be it maths or music, others just expect the child to work hard in everything he does,” she adds.

Even if they are few in number, the woeful tales of oppressed kids are innumerable. “My mother just hates second rankers and runner-ups. For her someone is either a toper or a complete loser. At times it seems that I study, play, sing or dance not for myself but for her. I am expected to top in every field!” says an anguished Arshi Jain (name changed), a student of Class 8 in Delhi. Arshi’s not the only case. A good athlete, Gaurav Madaan has now stopped participating in his school’s annual sports day events. “It was suicidal to watch my mother howl in front of my batch-mates and teachers every time I was declared second in a race.”

Haven’t we seen moms who fret if their children don’t score full marks in mathematics? Or losing sleep over their school or college admissions? Aren’t we aware of those moms who pop up just everywhere from their child’s parents-teachers meeting to basketball practice sessions?

Chua’s theory claims that the ultimate veto is in the hands of the parents who can override the child’s preference. She believes children inherently aren’t interested in work, so it’s the responsibility of parents to overrule their likes.

So does tiger momism really help children? “It doesn’t,” says senior psychiatrist Dr Sanjay Chugh. “Mothers who believe in physical or verbal spanking only sow seeds of emotional trauma and loss of self worth in a child. The poor child, subconsciously, struggles with this feeling of self-hatred till his last breath. There’s a lot of difference between nurturing your child with good values and education, and enjoying absolute rule very his very existence. Tiger momism, in every sense, is a wrong concept,” adds Chugh.

The yummy mummy

Photo credit: Healingdream

Nevertheless, psychiatrists and social experts vouch for the valued-based style of Indian parenting. They believe that Indian mothers have evolved over the years and are experimenting like never before. They attend parenting seminars, put their children in alternative schools, and go the extra mile in democratising choices. “Many Indian mothers are pushy, result-oriented and focused on academic performance like some Chinese. However, most Indian parents are nurturers and affectionate. Apparently, some Chinese parents don’t allow kids to watch TV, but in India it’s an over- dose of TV, computers and other gizmos,” says child and adolescent psychiatrist Dr Chirag Sen.

So what does it really take for today's mothers to produce a generation of achievers? Many Indian mothers and youngsters believe that it only takes the right way to approach the children and share their opinions with them.

“Medical science has proven that children today are smarter than their parents. They ought to be trusted and respected. Not that they pay heed to what you say. Just that you have to know how to say it,” says Sneha Gulati, mother of two teenage daughters. “If my parents want me to excel in my career, that’s because they love me and want to see me happy in life. They are always the first ones to hold me each time I fall. They are the ones who cheer me up, every time I lose. And this is what makes their dreams, mine,” says Falon David, a Bangalore-based MBA aspirant. For many youngsters like Sunidhi Chopra, freedom comes with acceptable conditions. “My parents are my friends. I can’t be out too late, but that’s fine with me. Sleep-over is ok only with friends whom my parents know. The best part is that we understand and respect each other’s viewpoint.”

If modern-day ads are really imitating life, we could well believe that more and more Indian mothers are increasingly accepting the weaknesses of their children and just letting them be.

(This article was featured in BR International, a HongKong publication)

And let there be light...

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander
Eminent spiritual leaders bust some of the most common myths about spirituality. Read On...


I should first rid myself of all sin and be pure to grow spiritually.

Not quite so. Without the knowledge of what we truly are, we will always find it difficult to rid ourselves of sin. In the opinion of Brahmakumari Sister Shivani, to rid ourselves of sins and then grow spiritually is like healing ourselves first and then seeing a doctor. She says, “Spirituality is healing. It is the journey of shifting our focus and thereby our behaviour from body consciousness [ego of all the acquired labels in our lifetime] to soul consciousness. It is then that we return to our true consciousness of a pure being.” Sadhvi Bhagwati, an American who adopted sainthood and devoted her life to serving mankind 14 years ago, feels that it’s only after we embark on a spiritual path that we grow aware of our innermost qualities and divine nature. And it is then that we shun all wrong deeds. “It is then that true transformation happens,” she says.

I can’t be spiritual if I am still interested in gathering material possessions and making money.

“Blessed are those who have material wealth for they have the opportunity to help the poor and needy,” says Swami Ramdev. Spirituality is a way of being, thinking and interacting. He adds, “To say that the rich and affluent are not spiritual is wrong. I know many who are more enlightened and Godly than many of us. A person should not be greedy, miserly, overambitious and too money-minded.” The essence is to not run after wealth. In the words of Sister Shivani: “We earn, buy and use but not for pleasure but physical comfort. We understand that everything material is designed for the comfort of the body, but our happiness is our creation and it is independent of anything or anyone outside. This means that we don’t earn them so that we will be happy, but we are happy while working to earn them. Money or no money, if this aspect doesn’t disturb our state of happiness, there is no problem with amassing wealth.”

To err is human, to forgive is divine.

Spiritual master Osho believes that to err is human and to forgive is also human. Osho’s philosophy is, “If forgiving is divine then you are raising the level too high, beyond human reach. Bring it within human reach and learn to forgive.” As per Sri Sri Ravi Shankar of the Art of Living Foundation, it is important to respect a bad person. “There is a saying in Sanskrit: durjanam prathamam vande sajjanam tadanantaram.First worship the bad person and then the good one. The bad man is falling and giving you an example, ‘don’t do what I did.’ Do not hate a prisoner because he’s a criminal. Consider him to be an embodiment of God. He has done you a great service. Don’t ever hate a drug addict because he has given you such a beautiful lesson, and he has been given that role. He is just performing his role,” says Ravi Shankar. It doesn’t matter what happens, regardless of the nature of the event or the sharpness of the words intended to insult, our response is always our own creation. “When we forgive someone, we actually do ourselves a favour because through forgiveness we release all the negative thoughts, emotions and energies that we are holding onto in our anger. By replaying the moment again and again in our mind, torturing ourselves in so many ways, we hurt ourselves more than anyone else does. This is a deep realisation,” says Sister Shivani. It’s never them, it’s always me is a deep realisation indeed!

(There are many such myths that often block an individual's spiritual growth. To read the complete article and tread on the path of the Divine with a better understanding, pls visit the site page of Complete Wellbeing)

AJAY DEVGN: Actor Of The Year

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander


From Athithi Tum Kab Jaoge to Toonpur Ka Superhero, Ajay Devgn was one busy bee in 2010 with seven releases, of which six which were declared blockbuster hits. Not to digress, but 2010 was an interesting year, which found mega-budget films like Hrithik-starrer Kites and Abhishek-Aishwarya starrer Raavan bombing at the box office. Ajay Devgn sailed through admirably well. Shilpi Shukla Alexander chats with the versatile and outspoken AJAY DEVGN.

Ajay Devgn

With six successful films in your kitty, you are indeed the undisputed hero of Bollywood 2010. Congrats!(Smiles) Thanks.

You are known as an actor who can deliver many films in a row.
I know. But now I want to cut down on films. However, as of now I am not being able to do that. But in a year or so you will see a sharp decline in the number of projects I sign.

How do you play a variety of roles…all with such precision?
That’s the essence of acting for me. I try to diverge from the norm and do unique and different films. And hope they get appreciated.

(To read the complete article, visit the site of Darpan, a Canadian publication...) 

PUSHKAR: World’s Largest Cattle Fair

   

Article By: Shilpi Shukla
Photos By: Lovejeet Alexander

Every November, in the pond-sized sleepy town of Pushkar, India comes alive with a riot of colors and a frenzied burst of activity, attracting visitors from around the globe to the famous Camel Fair. (The complete article was featured in Little India, a US publication...)

Renowned for hosting the world’s largest camel fair, the quiet town of Pushkar exhibits a rare and fascinating combination of religious fervor and cultural effervescence every November. Around 50,000 camels are sold, decorated, shaved and raced during the Pushkar Fair, the largest cattle fair in the world.     The picturesque morning view of the Pushkar Lake. The festival is quite a hit among foreign tourists. This year’s whopping 200,000 crowd inundated Pushkar’s 14,000 population. The profusion of colors that run riot in the desert sand, the glee and the contagious enthusiasm of the village folk charm every visitor. “Very few fairs in the world, if at all any, can match the liveliness of the Pushkar fair — the world’s largest cattle fair,” said Jamie Jay, a tourist from California, who has been attending the fair regularly for the last four years.  The ambience evoked during the seven-day festival is that of rustic Rajasthan, more so of rural India — vibrant, colorful and quintessentially Indian. Bards and poets recite and sing tales of valor and heroism of bygone days. Singers and dancers stage folk performances throughout the day. Various competitions, such as turban tying, tilak, water pot race, mandna, langari taang, Indian bride, moustache, and wrestling, etc., enliven the event.    A flock of pigeons taking a flight from one of the 400 ancient temples of Pushkar. “I like the turban tying and tilak competition. They are so Indian,” said Daniel Schwenegger, a tourist from Denmark.  In addition, many animal competitions, such as camel decoration, camel dance, horse dance, fast milking, gir and cross-breed and champion cattle contests delight visitors. “The lumbering beast of burden, the camel all decorated in finery, imagines itself to be an ostrich, and rushes through the race like one. It’s such fun. I have never seen anything like this before,” said Australian college student, Diana Wheat.  Visitors are particularly enamored by the musical chairs competition. “As the music stops, the beautifully decorated camel is supposed to manage to stick its long arching neck between two poles, each camel owner guiding its entrant by means of a silken cord attached to its nose ring. This is really interesting,” said Mac Matusow, a 10-year-old boy from Denmark. (To read the complete article, visit the site of Little India, a US publication...)

BEING CRAFTY!

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander

(This article was published in The Hindu newspaper

Photo: Lovejeet Alexander

Handicrafts Cluster Creations at Dilli Haat brought in the best that the States could offer...

The Handicrafts Cluster Creations 2011 that was on at the Dill Haat till recently saw avid shoppers thronging the place even during weekdays. Welcoming the fresh hues of spring, the handicrafts exhibition-cum-sale allowed visitors to indulge in a world of traditionally rich and awe-inspiring craftsmanship. With an exquisite range of metal, brass, wood and bamboo handicrafts to those in iron, marble and clay, the fair had something for everyone.

The stalls from the North-east came laden with exciting bamboo and cane craft pieces.

Handloom rugs, carpets, floor mats and durries came were made to floor anyone! “I bought two Kashmiri carpets richly adorned with traditional chain-stitch embroidery. The collection in the fair was really exciting this time,” said Ritu Malik, a teacher.

Zardozi and jamdani silk from Benaras, kantha silk from West Bengal, chanderi and tussar ghicha silk from Madhya Pradesh, cotton handloom from Uttar Pradesh, pashminas from Kashmir and the many silks from the South were a delight for the textile connoisseurs. For those interested in rich traditional work, there was kalamkari work and crochet embroidery from Andhra Pradesh, crewel embroidery and patchwork from Jammu and Kashmir, and kinnari work from Himachal Pradesh, among many others. “I particularly loved the Kashmiri crewel embroidery and kinnauri shawls from Himachal Pradesh,” said Su Li, a tourist from China. Decorations for home ranged from beautiful terracotta to wicker work, papier-mâché bowls to wooden trays, and lac items to kolhapuris.

While the regal touch came with marble artefacts, miniature sandalwood and silver items, reasonably-priced pottery and ceramic work from Maharashtra was surely not worth a miss. Foreign tourists seemed particularly fascinated. According to Marc Jacobs from Canada, “The marble artefacts from Agra and these beautiful miniature paintings from Rajasthan exhibit marvellous workmanship, which is the USP of India indeed.”

Other attractions were the gems and jewellery at the Rajasthani counter. Also, bead necklaces and footwear of Nagaur, textiles printed in Ajmer and Jodhpur, brassware of Jodhpur and Jaipur and colourful puppets.

For those who had their fill of shopping, the exhibition featured interesting cultural shows, live performances, food from the states, and interesting competitions

SURAJKUND FAIR - Silver Jubilee Fiesta

Article & Photos: Shilpi Shukla Alexander

Come, see... and get bewitched by the brilliant cultural tapestry that comprises India at the Surajkund Fair 2011

Think of awe-inspiring craftsmanship, cultural vibrancy, rustic charm, folk performances, sumptuous regional cuisines, and you picture the grand Surajkund Fair. Rightly described as a 'mini India', the fair comes alive with vivid shades of rich Indian crafts, folk traditions and cultural heritage every year. Skilled artisans, painters, weavers, potters, sculptors and craftsmen from all over the country come and display their traditional and splendid craftsmanship, in the typical setting of a rural Indian marketplace. Characteristic of its cultural mélange and exquisite exhibits from India and abroad, the fair is a riot of splendid colours yet again.

Organised for the first time in 1981 by Haryana Tourism, the fair completes 25 successful years in 2011. And this is why the fair (from February 1 to February 15) is more sparkling and eventful this year. Andhra Pradesh being the theme state at the Surajkund Fair this year, many famous folk performances are staged at the fair all day through. So if you want to enjoy kuchipudi, burrakatha, veeranatyam, butta bommalu, dappu, Tappeta Gullu, Lambadi, Bonalu, Dhimsa, Kolattam, Butta bommalu and other famous Andhra folk dances, Surajkund is the place to be. Also on display are beautiful craftworks of the state including banjara embroidery, brass artware, cherial scroll paintings, kondapalli toys, bidriware, pearls, kalamkaris and other appealing art forms. Besides, almost a caravan of 400 state and national-level award winning craftsmen from all over the nation has participated in the fair. The partner country in this year’s fair, Uzbekistan, has organized several interesting cultural shows and stalls in the fair. Craftpersons from SAARC nations have also exhibited an interesting array of collectibles.

Uneven and unpaved paths, dusty air, open ground, folk music playing at the backdrop and thatched platforms - coming to the Surajkund fair is like entering an Indian village. This rural fair is a good place to pick up some rare and beautiful items which one does not get in run of the mill handicraft exhibitions, local markets and malls. “The wide range from different states and countries is really exciting here. What’s more, here at Surajkund, everything ethnic and rustic can be bought at very reasonable prices. Though some of these items, specially ornamental jewellery and artifacts are available at these big malls, they are very high priced,” says Shruti Chauhan, a student. We couldn’t agree more! From beautiful mirror-embroidered fabrics, woven silk and cotton blended saris, floor coverings, intricate embroideries, beautiful lace work, folk motifs on terracotta forms to stone craft, metal ware, block-printed fabrics, leather goods, cane artifacts, woodcraft, jewellery, silverware, dolls, brassware, shimmering bangles, toys, trinkets, home décor items and many other hand-crafted products, there is a lot to see and shop in the fair.

Come here to buy fabrics, ornaments, footwear, furniture or artifacts, there is an amazing regional variety and traditional diversity in each item from one state stall to the other. Interested in embroidery? Check out the colourful phulkari work from Punjab, chikan work from Lucknow, suzni, chainstitch, crewel and mirror encasings from Kashmir, banjara and bunni from Gujarat and Rajasthan, kantha from West Bengal and Tripura, lace and crochet from Goa, and many other offerings from other states. Redefine the aesthetics of your living room with floor coverings from Namda, carpets from Kashmir, punja dhurries from Haryana, woolen carpets Mirzapur, and coir and rags from South India. For art connoisseurs, there are madhubani paintings from Bihar, phad and bani-thani paintings from Rajasthan, kalamkari from Andhra Pradesh and Karnataka, temple paintings from Orissa, are also displayed in the Surajkund Mela. There is a fascinating variety of bamboo and cane artifacts from Punjab, sholapith and shital patti from Assam and West Bengal, rosewood and sandalwood woodcraft from South India, and chikri from Kashmir.

Enjoy some vivacious folk music and dance performances of different Indian states and other participating countries every evening at Natyashala, an open-air theater. Various competitions organized to entertain youngsters and playful rides and swings for kids at the amusement zone make a visit to the fair an ideal family outing. The umpteen food stalls offering scrumptious delicacies from various states are an added delight. When here, do visit the magnificent 10th century Surajkund lake too.

MARRIED TO A PERFECTIONIST?

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander


Extreme cleanliness, zero tolerance for deviation from standards, acute image consciousness, the know-it-all attitude…meeting a perfectionist partner’s standards can make life really difficult. It is said that two imperfect individuals make a perfect bond.

But having a perfectionist for a partner often means an imperfect relationship, over laden with endless criticisms and scorns. However, if you are at peace with yourself and love your partner despite his ‘imperfection’, you could work towards making yours a wonderful relationship too. Here's how... 

(To read the complete article, pls visit the site of Complete Wellbeing)

INDIAN WOMEN MAKING HISTORY

By Shilpi Shukla Alexander

Indira Gandhi

Indian women around the world have not only made the nation proud, but have also distinctly raised the standards of feminism and power across the globe. Let’s focus on the few who continue to make headlines around the world.

Because I am a woman, I must make unusual 

efforts to succeed.

If I fail, no one will say, “She doesn’t have what it takes.”

They will say, “Women don’t have what it takes.”

– Clare Boothe Luce

At a time where the playing field has been thrown open to men and women alike, Indian women have risen to the challenge and proven their mettle. Results are seen beyond one or two isolated cases, as Indian women all over the world have shown competency in every sphere – be it politics, sports, the corporate world, or even entertainment. The past few decades have seen the emergence of a generation of Indian women who are propelling the world to reach new heights in economy, politics, philosophy, arts and environmental development.

 

Click here to read my cover story published in DESH VIDESH, a US magazine...

Kiran Mazumdar Shaw

Indra Nooyi

Chanda Kochhar