When your spouse hates your friend, letting go of your old pal isn’t the way out
Pallavi got married to boyfriend Aninda two years back. An introvert, he had few friends of his own and didn’t want Pallavi to interact much with her friends either. After they got married, she gradually drifted away from her pals.
Snigdha’s boyfriend Gaurav did not approve of her best friend Shweta. He wanted Snigdha to part with her. Snigdha had a tough time trying to convince Gaurav not to make such a demand. Finally, she took a stand.
She asked Gaurav to better call it quits with her for she found no reason for breaking ties with her childhood friend Shweta. Gaurav soon realised his mistake. Though, Gaurav and Shweta still don’t meet or talk to each other, he knows that Shweta is an integral part of his girlfriend’s life and now respects their friendship.
Gossiping all day, enjoying pani-puri on the roadside, giggling at those not-so-funny incidents, crying on the other’s shoulders, keeping each other’s secrets, and calling each other up at ungodly hours to share something utterly stupid… the time spent with friends is one of the most wonderful periods of life.
But what do you do when your partner can’t accept your friendships? Absolutely ludicrous as the whole suggestion may sound, many close ties go awry and wear away eventually because of ‘the spouse’.
Many prefer bartering away their friendship, willingly or unwillingly, for the sake of peace in the house. “We wouldn’t be married without my best friend Sumeet’s support. From convincing Ekta’s parents to making all marriage arrangements, Sumeet had managed it all.
Initially, my wife and Sumeet bonded well. Soon after marriage, Ekta started avoiding Sumeet; she wouldn’t even come out of her room whenever he came home. He is the same guy whom she had once tied rakhi to.
Suddenly he was an ‘intruder’. Everything about Sumeet—mannerisms, sense of humour, body language—would drive her mad,” remembers Rohit Saluja, chartered accountant. He adds, “Now that we were married, he was needed no more. Tired of everyday fights with my wife over the issue, I had to distance myself from Sumeet. Thankfully he understood my position. Friends like him are difficult to find. Still I had to lose him.”
Sometimes, one of the partners forges bonds with the spouse’s friends, leaving his/her own behind. Quips writer Chetan Bhagat, “After marriage, either your friend is your wife’s friend too or he’s no more your friend!”
“While I try to befriend all her friends and make them feel comfortable when invited at our home, my wife isn’t nice to most of my friends. While I respect her space and relationships, I wish, she did the same,” says Prakash Paranjpe, a manager.
“Whenever we had rows, he would bring up my best friend Sapna, criticising her and dismissing her as an intrusive, interfering element in my life,” reveals 27-year-old Aruna Thakkar, a housewife.
Upon realising that she was causing a rift in her best friend’s marriage, Sapna drifted away from me on her own. It’s been two years since. Sapna doesn’t even receive my phone calls,” says a dismal Aruna.
Some individuals don’t approve of their partner’s outings with friends after marriage. So they either go out together or don’t at all. Besides, some have reservations—they approve of one friend, and dismiss the others. It is as though they want to control everything in the partners’ lives, starting with friends.
In one such instance, a Delhi-based couple’s marriage had come to a breaking point. The rift in their relationship had to be mended by a marriage counsellor. It took time, but finally the unreasonable spouse understood that her partner had to be treated as an individual who needed his own space and freedom. She began showing more trust and understanding in the relationship. With time their bond strengthened.
“A reduced social circle leads to low self-esteem, stunted personality, limited social skills and a cloistered existence. This may lead to depressive disorders and ultimately the breaking up of a relationship.
For their own relationship to bloom, both men and women need to understand and appreciate each other’s need for that private space,” says Samir Parikh, senior psychiatrist at Max Healthcare, New Delhi.
Each relationship has its own place and importance in a person’s life. Rather than giving in completely to your other half’s wishes, give due preference to your wishes and desires at times. You need to prioritise.
It’s important to chalk out means by which neither the peace at home nor the age-old friendships suffer. “Even if it means no bringing friends home, it’s easier for guys to catch up with their friends outside home and continue with the friendship.
(This article was featured in Complete Wellbeing magazine)
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MARRIED TO A PERFECTIONIST?
By Shilpi Shukla Alexander
Extreme cleanliness, zero tolerance for deviation from standards, acute image consciousness, the know-it-all attitude…meeting a perfectionist partner’s standards can make life really difficult. It is said that two imperfect individuals make a perfect bond.
But having a perfectionist for a partner often means an imperfect relationship, over laden with endless criticisms and scorns. However, if you are at peace with yourself and love your partner despite his ‘imperfection’, you could work towards making yours a wonderful relationship too. Here's how...
(To read the complete article, pls visit the site of Complete Wellbeing)
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SECURE, IS HE?
By Shilpi Shukla Alexander
A self-doubting, timid and insecure woman has often personified the image of an Indian
wife since ages. However, the contemporary social scenario has a differing question to put
forth… Are men today insecure of their women? Let’s unmask the reality…
· Sheena, an IIM-Ahmedabad postgraduate marries her long-time boyfriend, Ravi , a businessman. Sheena is progressive and climbing up the corporate ladder with assignments, late night meetings and extensive travel. Less qualified and successful than his wife, Ravi starts raising objections to her busy professional schedule soon after their marriage. Although Sheena tried to strike a balance between home and office, their relationship gradually gets more and more strained. Ravi starts drinking heavily and gets involved in illicit relations with other women.
· A brilliant student, Snigdha, let go of her professional dreams to meet her family responsibilities. Her prudence and winsome persona, however, enable her befriend with individuals and groups quite easily. She’s praised for her sagacity, wit and beauty by one and all. Now, her husband generally doesn’t prefer taking her along to any party or get-together.
A study of their psychological state reveals that most male spouses today are essentially losing their own identity owing to the rapidly changing dimensions of women. The reasons though many are quite unified.
Stepping out of ‘her’ precincts
Who hasn’t heard of hubbies getting grouchy with their wives super success a la’ Amitabh Bachchan in Abhimaan? Working women, who enjoy their jobs and soak in all the add-ons that go with it — chauffeur-driven cars, lavish expense accounts, fancy outstation travel and exciting social interaction, often make their husbands quite unsure of their own identity in the family and even outside.
Husbands today really have reasons in plenty to get insecure of their successful professional wife:
Managing those idle hours: While women more often than not will find something to keep themselves busy when their husbands are not around, turning their dull hours into a constructive learning experience, men don’t echo the same sentiment. They sulk, throw tantrums, give subtle hints about other housewives who run the home more efficiently and lovingly and begin to get more demanding.
Missing the housewife: Men today often feel neglected when they find the qualities of a typical housewife missing in their professional counterparts. As states Ankur Kapoor, a software engineer, “A housewife checks, reprimands, nags and denies her husband his extra drink, cigarette or any other over indulgence. She takes care of the food and health of every member of the family. A busy working woman who not only has limited time but also very clear ideas about her not ‘wasting too much time doing non-productive things around the house’ often makes husbands feel uncared for.”
Financial independence: The monetary independence enjoyed by the wives is often ostracised by the male ego. A media professional, Piyali reveals, “My husband never allows me to spend my salary. And then, he never even forgets to remind me that he runs the family expenses, all on his own.” On the other hand, PR executive Mandvi Sharma is muddled as to why does her husband keep giving her explanations about his current low income and keeps telling her that she would not have to work for long. “At times I feel that he suspects of me of going around with a rich colleague.”
Knowledge matters: An uneducated or less educated wife generally doesn’t have a voice, especially on issues of finance, investment, children education, etc. Education has given women a broader perspective in all pertinent issues. With husband not being that sole decision-maker and taker in the family, he feels affronted and slighted.
Pleasing wife, displeased hubby: “Thanks to all the beauty enhancement techniques coming for their aide, even the ugliest of women can look quite appealing and charming.,” claims beauty expert Ren Sen. Then what to talk about those women who have it all? The sophisticated and erudite Eves today know how can they please the eyes of Adams around. They know what to be dressed in and how to carry themselves. Such a gorgeous persona of their wives, is no doubt a root-cause of worry for poor chaps.
‘Does she need me?”: Owing to their qualification and financial independence, women today are much more confident and poised. Not just working ladies, even housewives are so sure of themselves. They don’t really need their man to escort them to wherever they have to go. The basic insecurity among men is – “women don’t need us...they can handle every situation on their own.”
The twosome: “It has often been marked that women living in joint families are quite submissive. They are more obedient to their husbands and all elders at home,” opines marriage counsellor Suman Sachdeva. On the other hand, the nuclear family concept makes women more independent, confident and decision-making. They form their own social circle and a list of friends that they are always free to invite at home. This independence enjoyed by women of nuclear families makes their husband feel lost and deserted.
(Mis)Using the legal armor: Gone are the days when innumerable women used to silently suffer assaults and abuses everyday inside every second home across the country. Women today have numerous legal remedies that protect their vulnerable position. “Legal shield not only makes them feel protected and assured, but also makes a few of them quite mulish and obdurate,” opines advocate Pooja Dhar. She adds, “Many even misuse law to threaten their husbands.”
Meeting her demands: A lot of research has showed that women today consider themselves no less than men. They are more verbal and expressive about what they want out of their relationship - be it the sexual satisfaction, materialistic need or intellectual compatibility. Senior psychologist, Madhumati Singh asserts, “Wives now want their husbands to share household responsibilities, starting from cooking one-time meals to even mopping the floor if required.” She adds, “While some aggressive women even hesitate taking their introvert and dull partner to her social or professional gatherings, some actually hook up with their colleagues for casual sex.”
Being just the ‘partner’: A tenacious, headstrong career conscious company secretary defines this point well, when she says — “If I ask for my husband’s permission for anything I think is right to do, he might say no. Then what? I would never allow my husband to stop me nor boost up his ego by asking him. He is not my father; he is my partner!” Tanya Shukla, a teacher agrees, “Couples are of more or less the same age. So they no doubt have the same intellectual level as well.”
The male cronies: With most of them having studied in co-ed schools and colleges, women find equal number of friends in both the genders. While having a male friend might not be a special deal for the wife, the issue is quite uncomforting for her spouse. Chartered accountant Rohit Taneja justifies the notion — “One might have full faith in his partner. But the basic mentality of a male can be best judged by a male only. So while I might understand the malafide intentions of my wife’s male friend, she might not.”
Women getting indulged in extra-marital affairs: The suspicion and discomfort among men doesn’t just stem from male chauvinism, but also from instances around. “With so many women getting indulged in extra-marital affairs, men are bound to get insecure about their own partner. The ever-increasing demands of wives from their husbands further add reasons to their discomfort and fear,” feels psychiatrist Sanjay Chugh.
Celeb Speak: (Shekhar Suman)
“Men often find it difficult to stay at pace with their ‘Super Woman’. The modern day husbands find their wife playing multi roles with a lot of gusto (being the mother, daughter-in-law, colleague, senior/junior/home manager etc..) and efficiency. They are cooking up a meal for guests, driving their kids to the doctor, calling up the car mechanic to check the snag in their car and the list is long. Seeing such high energy level, the so-called ‘stronger sex’ feels feeble before their ‘weaker counterparts’. This is what makes them diffident about their own identity and worth.
- · Girls now have a lot of financial and moral support from their parents even after marriage.
- · Television and media have given a lot of exposure of women, even semi-literate housewives.
- · Men themselves indulged in extra-marital affairs fear that the bold wife of theirs might retort or replicate the acts.
· The increasing cases of divorce (most of which are filed by wives) are again adding to the qualms of male spouses.
What do men want?
What husbands say they expect and what they actually expect are not necessarily similar. “In their heart of hearts, a lot of men in urban India still want a wife who will be docile, servile, faithful, transparent, honest, someone will look after them and their families, yet manage to retain her looks and earn money for them,” feels Dr Chugh.
So, do they want themselves to be treated as Gods or pati-parmeshwar as Indian wives have for ages considered their husbands to be? “Not God, but definitely the superior of the 2 sexes,” acclaims Dr Singh. “That’s the way they have evolved, starting from prehistoric times when men went out for hunting and women cooked the meat in the cave and looked after the children. We have to give them time to cope with this fast pace of change that women are going through.”
A study….
A study by University of Chicago sociologist Ross Stolzenberg, published in the American Journal of Sociology points out that husbands of women who worked more than 40 hours a week showed poorer health indicators as compared to men whose wives were housewives or whose wives were in less threatening jobs like teaching or home working. The study had another interesting revelation. If you swap places and put the wives in the non-work mode as opposed to having husbands who clock-in long working hours, they showed relatively more robust health! So are we to conclude that women are better off when hubbies are at work than are men whose wives are at work?
Today’s men need a mix of what their mothers did for them and the power-packed women of today. They need to feel important in their partners' eyes, to be given that hug of acknowledgement and sense of belonging. What they need is some time, understanding and love.
MY FRIEND, MY ANCHOR
By Shilpi Shukla Alexander
You hug them without inhibitions, there are no pretensions in this relationship — you are you and they are they, you love them, they know it, they love you, you know it! You know you can ask them to ‘shut up’ or wake them up at midnight for that shoulder to cry on … But, is it possible that sometimes we take this loving relationship a little too casually? We forget that we are fortunate to have been gifted with this beautiful relationship – FRIENDSHIP. Let’s find out what it takes to keep this beautiful relationship forever beautiful.
In kindergarten, your good friends shared their red crayons and chips with you. In Class XII, they helped you ‘win’ your girl and get the model test sets. After graduation they told you ‘she didn’t deserve you’ every time your girl ditched you. Then they went out of their way so that you could marry the one you loved and were the happiest when your baby called them ‘uncllll’.
The definition of a friend may change at different stages of our life, but the importance of a friend remains unchanged throughout the years.
“A good friend always remembers who we were and sees what we can be” – Unknown
Psychologists claim that having relatives does not increase your lifespan but having friends does.
How do friendships grow?
Friendships need time to grow and strengthen. Always accept your friends as they are. Don’t expect them to change for you. Be a good listener and refrain from offering advice or moralizing every time. Respect your friends’ point of view. Try to keep your cool when they are angry. Also, try to be with them not only when you need them but also when they need you. Most importantly, appreciate your friends. Be a true confidant who treasures friends’ secrets in his heart. Always guide and stop them when they go astray. Don’t crib over small issues. Be understanding when your friends come up with a last minute change in plans. And if it’s you who changes the plan, learn to say sorry.
Strengthen your friendship
- Just a few harsh words can break your friends’ heart.
- Your friends might not want to share everything with you. Understand their feelings.
- Don’t be dominating or authoritative.
- Never betray your friends’ trust.
- Never criticize or chide your friends in public.
- Never support your friends when they are wrong.
- Never lie or boast before your friends.
- Be there when they need you but don’t forget to respect their space.
Keeping in touch …
Howsoever far or busy you might be, always keep in touch with your friends to make them feel that they are still an important part of your life. Try the following:
- Send e-mails.
- Call once a week or twice. It does not take too long to connect hearts.
- Keep in touch through brief messages left on answering machines or SMSs.
- Send an occasional card.
- Send recent snaps with your family, friends and colleagues. This will make them feel included in your happiness.
Why do friendships break?
You were best of friends and never had an argument before. Then how did the friendship break? Misunderstanding and miscommunication can separate even the closest of friends. Generally the issues are trivial, which if not resolved immediately, may result in break-ups. According to senior psychologist Madhumati Singh, “It is not that friends begin disliking each other, but after sometime, the informal bond starts converting into a taken-for-granted relationship. In friendships that break, either both or one of the friends eventually becomes short-tempered, uses rough language and gives less time to the other. This communication gap creates space for misinterpretations between the two.” Over-expectations, ego clashes and competition in financial status, academic level or job, can lead to breaking of bonds.
When Friendship Hurts
Everybody makes mistakes, even our nearest and dearest friends. That is a truism that can’t be avoided or changed. So, what do you do when a friend says or does something that hurts you? Here are some tips.
Keep Things In Perspective: Some days we’re much more sensitive than others. The same comment that hit a nerve on Thursday wouldn’t have fazed you on Friday, so it’s important to keep things in perspective. Just as we can occasionally have a bad day, so can our friends. Illness, personal problems, or even lack of sleep can cause friends to say or do hurtful things unintentionally.
The Molehills: Small slights and harmless mistakes happen all the time in every type of relationship. Most of them should be ignored. After all, we wouldn’t want someone harping on every mistake we make. But, there are times when you just can’t let it go, no matter how small – or the hurtful thing may be something that is done repeatedly. Then you need to sit and talk. Most of the time, our friend may not realize we are angry about something.
The Mountains: Some errors are mountainous when it comes to the kind of pain they cause, and cannot be ignored. A natural reaction to something a friend does that seriously hurts us may be to walk away and wait for an apology. But, why wait around with your feelings all in an uproar? Talk to your friend about what he or she has done as soon as possible. Perhaps the entire incident was a big misunderstanding, perhaps not.
Don’t Hold A Grudge: Whether the problem was a minor molehill or an immense mountain, once you’ve said, “I forgive you”, be true to your word. If you’ve truly forgiven your friend for the error, you won’t treat him/her any differently than before the incident, and you’d never bring it up again.
The Unforgivable: Sadly, there are times when a friend says or does something to us that we find unforgivable, and that basically spells the end of the friendship. Only you can decide what type of mistake falls into that category.
Setting limits …
For maintaining long-term friendships, set certain limits. For example: a friend never makes it to the end of the month on a budget and you end up paying his bills. There cannot be a long-term solution to something like this. In friendship, a balance must be maintained. Remember you are not being helpful – you are simply creating a parasite!
Your friend is someone who doesn’t hesitate before telling you your follies and is the first one to walk side by side with you, be it in good times or bad. It is a matter of fact, that as the relationship keeps on strengthening, it also becomes more and more delicate as well. Let’s simply make a promise never to hurt a friend!
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LIVING TOGETHER...
TODAY OR FOREVER?
TODAY OR FOREVER?
By Shilpi Shukla Alexander
The bold, intrepid and enterprising young guns today are not just venturing into new and quite unheard career avenues. Their hits n trials have also begun permeating into a one-time concrete and non-porous institution, called marriage. A peep into the various facets of living-in relationships…
Are the smart, bold and professionally proficient Adams and Eves of today, insecure? Or are they futuristic and pragmatic? The reason could be either, but the fact in the contemporary times is that the chiselled beauties and handsome hunks strongly feel that along with financial independence it is quite pertinent to have a ‘first hand’ experience with their partners before committing themselves to a marriage. And thus begins a live-in relationship?
In the opinion of many in the young mob, such warm-up sessions help both of them in future to live up to each one’s expectation and enable them to avoid situations like extra-marital affair or divorce.
Although it is the product of western society, its rage and vogue can be felt and acclaimed all over the globe. The wave of living together is the most uprising social issue in urban India
A non-debatable debate
“What is the problem in living together?” questions Sneha Arora, a management student, who has recently shifted to her boyfriend’s apartment. “Neither do I view it as a dry run. We will get married if this works for say 6 months. It helps to see how your ‘dream partner’ is 24/7, and then you can really ascertain if this is what you want.” A web designer Kartik Sen adds in accord, “What is so horrible about living with a person you love without legalising the union? Just having a piece of paper does not forecast a long and happy relationship, it’s the little compromises one makes that go far. It’s better to learn making those adjustments before marriage. So why does a little piece of paper matter so much to the Indian community?” So are there adjustments involved?
Easy, aren’t they?
Is living-in not a easier way of enjoying the company of your beloved without any legal binding? Almost all living-in couples proclaim that living together is not easy. “There are so many things about Rahul that literally irritate me. To mention a few: mess in the bathroom, not sorting laundry, not keeping the things in order, never helping in the kitchen and littering the cigarette-ash everywhere except in the ash-tray.” So, beware! Even if you love someone a lot, living together requires a lot of adjustments. Shashank Mittal, an event manager maintains, “Live-in relationships are just as difficult as marriage.” He explains, “And though the legal issues are not there, it in no way means that the amount of effort, commitment is any less.”
Proud to be an Indian
For love or sex?
Sharing the same apartment, the same kitchen, the same bathroom,……, the same bedroom. Need I say more? Sharing the same bed, sleeping together, waking up together,…… Isn’t something amiss? Does live-in relationship lead to sex or is it vice-versa? Sex is an inevitable aspect of a live-in relationship. Howsoever much it may be avoided in the initial days of being together (if at all it is!) A live-in couple reasons, “Most guys and gals have sex with their boyfriend/girlfriend before marriage. At least we don’t have to book a room in the hotel and get caught.” Quite bold, isn’t it! But doesn’t it destroy our cultural fabric? “I don’t think that live-in relationship would destroy the cultural fabric; merely correct the prudish and Neanderthal period attitude that we have towards sex,” feels call centre executive. Not to forget the recent ‘unmarried parents’ Angelina Jolie-Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes who have set new ‘Hollywood ’ standards for this sexual liaison before marriage.
Before going in for a living-in…
It might seem exciting and fun but keep in mind that you are not married. There is no commitment involved. You both are just sharing a room and space. So just reconsider these points before taking the final decision ---
It might seem exciting and fun but keep in mind that you are not married. There is no commitment involved. You both are just sharing a room and space. So just reconsider these points before taking the final decision ---
- There is no commitment (legal, financial or social) involved in this relationship.
- Be ready to compromise. There will be adjustment problems. Your partner might do certain things that drive you crazy. And they will not change it just because you are there. So you better get used to it.
- You both will be financially independent but money matters will be a sore subject. Be clear with your partner from the beginning how you want to settle this and deal with it. The death of a live-in relationship can be financially devastating. Without the legal protections of marriage, partners need to think strategically about protecting themselves.
- You might feel a lack of private space when you both start living in because till now you were used to being alone and on your own. Now you have to live with someone so be prepared for everything.
- The only time when living together before marriage doesn’t pose a threat to your relationship is after you’ve gotten engaged, have formally announced your engagement and set a wedding date.
Since you’ve publicly committed to be with each other forever staying together at this point will make your relation more exciting and romantic. Simply think twice before deciding to live with your partner. As the fact remain ---- There is no evidence that if you decide to try a live in relation before marriage you will have a stronger marriage.
A JOURNEY CALLED 'MARRIAGE'
By Shilpi Shukla Alexander
Before venturing into a journey of a thousand miles, try taking a few steps together…
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step (- Lao Tzu). We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend. This is much beyond being just a saying or a philosophy. The true essence of this aphorism is best understood by couples who have traveled together and acknowledged how further they could travel in each other’s company.
This is how the life-journey of Ritika Verma and Rohit Kaushik kick started. Rohit and Ritika decided to go on a 10-day trip from Bharatpur to Kanha via Ranthambore, Shivpuri, Khajuraho and Bandhavgarh. What had started as a study tour for these research sudents of wildlife conservation, eventually transformed into a beautiful journey of love and fondness.
“These 10 days gave us time to know and understand each other. By the end of the trip, I knew that he was the man for me,” recalls Ritika. For Rohit, it was a dream come true. “Oh! In my dreams, I often found myself walking hand in hand with my beau in a dense forest,” says Rohit, “I fell for Ritika’s compassionate and thoughtful nature. She made my dream come true.”
So, for all those for whom travelling till now has just meant sight-seeing, this is a new perspective. Spending quiet and serene time with your beloved really goes a long way in deciding whether he/she’s the right choice for you. For not all marriages are made in heaven. Consider this…
Software professional Sandhya Sinha and businessman Karan Karnik had been seeing each other for over five years now. It was time that they got married. While their families were fixing the marriage date, the exultant couple decided to flee to a romantic destination. These seven days changed their very opinion about their five-year-long courtship. On being approached, Sandhya’s mother finally revealed, “Though, I don’t know much details, it was their opposite habits and lifestyles that made them apprehensive about their relationship.” Giving one example, she says, “Sandhya is very particular about cleanliness. Karan’s unhygienic and grimy habits annoyed her. Karan in turn was really incensed by her nagging behaviour.”
Spending a few days or weeks alone with your chum helps you know him/her better. Besides, your own aspirations become comprehensible to you in that state of solitude and quiet.
Travel writer Priti Saraswat explains, “Breaking away from your daily monotonous routine and staying away from all your friends and foes, gives you ample time for knowing your true self. It is easier to find answers to most of your unanswered questions during those moments of peace and serenity.” She adds, “When a duo sits with that unruffled mind, it really helps in pondering over every minor and major issue related to their relationship with a lucid and broader perspective.”
In the words of Miriam Beard — Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.
Even professional trips go a long way in making one understand his colleagues better. Actress Amrita Arora says, “There were actors whom I didn’t like earlier. But during my outdoor shootings with them, I got to know their actual selves. Today, many of them are my close friends and well wishers.”
Grapevine has it that Kajol and Ajay Devgan started dating each other when they spent quality time with each other during their outdoor shoots for Pyar To Hona Hi Tha, Ishq and Hulchul.
Should we sum it up as saying that if you can enjoy a short travel trip with your pal, you can surely enjoy the long life-trip with him or her? Perhaps yes. At least this is what the experience of advertising personnel Vinit Gangwar attests. “Me and my ex-girlfriend had gone to Digha (a popular sea resort in West Bengal ) to enjoy the sea and each other’s companionship. It was during our outing that we understood how absolutely different we were. She was scared of bathing in the sea; even sun bathing. She did not even enjoy barbeque; leave alone enjoying water sports! After our humdrum trip to Ladakh next time, I knew that she was too dull and mind-numbing for an adventurous and exploratory person like me.”
Even going on a tour with a group of friends can be bliss in disguise at times. People often find a virtuous reason to their lives during these tours. Theatre artist Pratigya Suri planned a trip to Puri with her friends. After coming to Orissa, she learnt about the tribal communities of the state. Even after much insistence, none of her friends agreed to visit these tribal areas, but Rishi. After their month long trip to the adivasi areas of Chatikona Kondh, Taptapani, Rayagada and Jeypore, Pratigya and Rishi knew two things. First, that these tribal people needed their assistance for development and growth. Second… that they had found their soul-mates in each other. For the last five years Rishi and Pratigya (Now Mrs Rishi Gupta) are working for the upheaval of tribal clans. They conduct theatre shows to promote education and awareness among these deprived and unprivileged communities.
Possibly now we understand what the words of Martin Buber meant when he said — “All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.”
Marriage is not so trivial a decision to be taken in alacrity. Spend quiet, beautiful and illuminating moments with your would-be; away from the clatter and clamour of your customary life, so as to be able to hear what your heart actually says, to understand what your life wants.
