You hug them without inhibitions, there are no pretensions in this relationship — you are you and they are they, you love them, they know it, they love you, you know it! You know you can ask them to ‘shut up’ or wake them up at midnight for that shoulder to cry on … But, is it possible that sometimes we take this loving relationship a little too casually? We forget that we are fortunate to have been gifted with this beautiful relationship – FRIENDSHIP. Let’s find out what it takes to keep this beautiful relationship forever beautiful.
In kindergarten, your good friends shared their red crayons and chips with you. In Class XII, they helped you ‘win’ your girl and get the model test sets. After graduation they told you ‘she didn’t deserve you’ every time your girl ditched you. Then they went out of their way so that you could marry the one you loved and were the happiest when your baby called them ‘uncllll’.
The definition of a friend may change at different stages of our life, but the importance of a friend remains unchanged throughout the years.
“A good friend always remembers who we were and sees what we can be” – Unknown
Psychologists claim that having relatives does not increase your lifespan but having friends does.
How do friendships grow?
Friendships need time to grow and strengthen. Always accept your friends as they are. Don’t expect them to change for you. Be a good listener and refrain from offering advice or moralizing every time. Respect your friends’ point of view. Try to keep your cool when they are angry. Also, try to be with them not only when you need them but also when they need you. Most importantly, appreciate your friends. Be a true confidant who treasures friends’ secrets in his heart. Always guide and stop them when they go astray. Don’t crib over small issues. Be understanding when your friends come up with a last minute change in plans. And if it’s you who changes the plan, learn to say sorry.
Strengthen your friendship
- Just a few harsh words can break your friends’ heart.
- Your friends might not want to share everything with you. Understand their feelings.
- Don’t be dominating or authoritative.
- Never betray your friends’ trust.
- Never criticize or chide your friends in public.
- Never support your friends when they are wrong.
- Never lie or boast before your friends.
- Be there when they need you but don’t forget to respect their space.
Keeping in touch …
Howsoever far or busy you might be, always keep in touch with your friends to make them feel that they are still an important part of your life. Try the following:
- Send e-mails.
- Call once a week or twice. It does not take too long to connect hearts.
- Keep in touch through brief messages left on answering machines or SMSs.
- Send an occasional card.
- Send recent snaps with your family, friends and colleagues. This will make them feel included in your happiness.
Why do friendships break?
You were best of friends and never had an argument before. Then how did the friendship break? Misunderstanding and miscommunication can separate even the closest of friends. Generally the issues are trivial, which if not resolved immediately, may result in break-ups. According to senior psychologist Madhumati Singh, “It is not that friends begin disliking each other, but after sometime, the informal bond starts converting into a taken-for-granted relationship. In friendships that break, either both or one of the friends eventually becomes short-tempered, uses rough language and gives less time to the other. This communication gap creates space for misinterpretations between the two.” Over-expectations, ego clashes and competition in financial status, academic level or job, can lead to breaking of bonds.
When Friendship Hurts
Everybody makes mistakes, even our nearest and dearest friends. That is a truism that can’t be avoided or changed. So, what do you do when a friend says or does something that hurts you? Here are some tips.
Keep Things In Perspective: Some days we’re much more sensitive than others. The same comment that hit a nerve on Thursday wouldn’t have fazed you on Friday, so it’s important to keep things in perspective. Just as we can occasionally have a bad day, so can our friends. Illness, personal problems, or even lack of sleep can cause friends to say or do hurtful things unintentionally.
The Molehills: Small slights and harmless mistakes happen all the time in every type of relationship. Most of them should be ignored. After all, we wouldn’t want someone harping on every mistake we make. But, there are times when you just can’t let it go, no matter how small – or the hurtful thing may be something that is done repeatedly. Then you need to sit and talk. Most of the time, our friend may not realize we are angry about something.
The Mountains: Some errors are mountainous when it comes to the kind of pain they cause, and cannot be ignored. A natural reaction to something a friend does that seriously hurts us may be to walk away and wait for an apology. But, why wait around with your feelings all in an uproar? Talk to your friend about what he or she has done as soon as possible. Perhaps the entire incident was a big misunderstanding, perhaps not.
Don’t Hold A Grudge: Whether the problem was a minor molehill or an immense mountain, once you’ve said, “I forgive you”, be true to your word. If you’ve truly forgiven your friend for the error, you won’t treat him/her any differently than before the incident, and you’d never bring it up again.
The Unforgivable: Sadly, there are times when a friend says or does something to us that we find unforgivable, and that basically spells the end of the friendship. Only you can decide what type of mistake falls into that category.
Setting limits …
For maintaining long-term friendships, set certain limits. For example: a friend never makes it to the end of the month on a budget and you end up paying his bills. There cannot be a long-term solution to something like this. In friendship, a balance must be maintained. Remember you are not being helpful – you are simply creating a parasite!
Your friend is someone who doesn’t hesitate before telling you your follies and is the first one to walk side by side with you, be it in good times or bad. It is a matter of fact, that as the relationship keeps on strengthening, it also becomes more and more delicate as well. Let’s simply make a promise never to hurt a friend!
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