Secure, is he?

By Shilpi Shukla

A self-doubting, timid and insecure woman has often personified the image of an Indian 

wife since ages. However, the contemporary social scenario has a differing question to put 

forth… Are men today insecure of their women? Let’s unmask the reality…

·        Sheena, an IIM-Ahmedabad postgraduate marries her long-time boyfriend, Ravi, a businessman. Sheena is progressive and climbing up the corporate ladder with assignments, late night meetings and extensive travel. Less qualified and successful than his wife, Ravi starts raising objections to her busy professional schedule soon after their marriage. Although Sheena tried to strike a balance between home and office, their relationship gradually gets more and more strained. Ravi starts drinking heavily and gets involved in illicit relations with other women.

·        A brilliant student, Snigdha, let go of her professional dreams to meet her family responsibilities. Her prudence and winsome persona, however, enable her befriend with individuals and groups quite easily. She’s praised for her sagacity, wit and beauty by one and all. Now, her husband generally doesn’t prefer taking her along to any party or get-together.

A study of their psychological state reveals that most male spouses today are essentially losing their own identity owing to the rapidly changing dimensions of women. The reasons though many are quite unified.

Stepping out of ‘her’ precincts

Who hasn’t heard of hubbies getting grouchy with their wives super success a la’ Amitabh Bachchan in Abhimaan? Working women, who enjoy their jobs and soak in all the add-ons that go with it — chauffeur-driven cars, lavish expense accounts, fancy outstation travel and exciting social interaction, often make their husbands quite unsure of their own identity in the family and even outside.

Husbands today really have reasons in plenty to get insecure of their successful professional wife:

Managing those idle hours: While women more often than not will find something to keep themselves busy when their husbands are not around, turning their dull hours into a constructive learning experience, men don’t echo the same sentiment. They sulk, throw tantrums, give subtle hints about other housewives who run the home more efficiently and lovingly and begin to get more demanding.

Missing the housewife: Men today often feel neglected when they find the qualities of a typical housewife missing in their professional counterparts. As states Ankur Kapoor, a software engineer, “A housewife checks, reprimands, nags and denies her husband his extra drink, cigarette or any other over indulgence. She takes care of the food and health of every member of the family. A busy working woman who not only has limited time but also very clear ideas about her not ‘wasting too much time doing non-productive things around the house’ often makes husbands feel uncared for.”

Financial independence: The monetary independence enjoyed by the wives is often ostracised by the male ego. A media professional, Piyali reveals, “My husband never allows me to spend my salary. And then, he never even forgets to remind me that he runs the family expenses, all on his own.” On the other hand, PR executive Mandvi Sharma is muddled as to why does her husband keep giving her explanations about his current low income and keeps telling her that she would not have to work for long. “At times I feel that he suspects of me of going around with a rich colleague.”

Knowledge matters: An uneducated or less educated wife generally doesn’t have a voice, especially on issues of finance, investment, children education, etc. Education has given women a broader perspective in all pertinent issues. With husband not being that sole decision-maker and taker in the family, he feels affronted and slighted.

Pleasing wife, displeased hubby: “Thanks to all the beauty enhancement techniques coming for their aide, even the ugliest of women can look quite appealing and charming.,” claims beauty expert Ren Sen. Then what to talk about those women who have it all? The sophisticated and erudite Eves today know how can they please the eyes of Adams around. They know what to be dressed in and how to carry themselves. Such a gorgeous persona of their wives, is no doubt a root-cause of worry for poor chaps.

‘Does she need me?”: Owing to their qualification and financial independence, women today are much more confident and poised. Not just working ladies, even housewives are so sure of themselves. They don’t really need their man to escort them to wherever they have to go. The basic insecurity among men is – “women don’t need us...they can handle every situation on their own.” (READ SHEKHAR SUMAN’S QUOTE, THE POINTS CAN BE MERGED)

The twosome: “It has often been marked that women living in joint families are quite submissive. They are more obedient to their husbands and all elders at home,” opines marriage counsellor Suman Sachdeva. On the other hand, the nuclear family concept makes women more independent, confident and decision-making. They form their own social circle and a list of friends that they are always free to invite at home. This independence enjoyed by women of nuclear families makes their husband feel lost and deserted.

(Mis)Using the legal armor: Gone are the days when innumerable women used to silently suffer assaults and abuses everyday inside every second home across the country. Women today have numerous legal remedies that protect their vulnerable position. “Legal shield not only makes them feel protected and assured, but also makes a few of them quite mulish and obdurate,” opines advocate Pooja Dhar. She adds, “Many even misuse law to threaten their husbands.”

Meeting her demands: A lot of research has showed that women today consider themselves no less than men. They are more verbal and expressive about what they want out of their relationship - be it the sexual satisfaction, materialistic need or intellectual compatibility. Senior psychologist, Madhumati Singh asserts, “Wives now want their husbands to share household responsibilities, starting from cooking one-time meals to even mopping the floor if required.” She adds, “While some aggressive women even hesitate taking their introvert and dull partner to her social or professional gatherings, some actually hook up with their colleagues for casual sex.”

Being just the ‘partner’: A tenacious, headstrong career conscious company secretary defines this point well, when she says — “If I ask for my husband’s permission for anything I think is right to do, he might say no. Then what? I would never allow my husband to stop me nor boost up his ego by asking him. He is not my father; he is my partner!” Tanya Shukla, a teacher agrees, “Couples are of more or less the same age. So they no doubt have the same intellectual level as well.”

The male cronies: With most of them having studied in co-ed schools and colleges, women find equal number of friends in both the genders. While having a male friend might not be a special deal for the wife, the issue is quite uncomforting for her spouse. Chartered accountant Rohit Taneja justifies the notion — “One might have full faith in his partner. But the basic mentality of a male can be best judged by a male only. So while I might understand the malafide intentions of my wife’s male friend, she might not.”

Women getting indulged in extra-marital affairs: The suspicion and discomfort among men doesn’t just stem from male chauvinism, but also from instances around. “With so many women getting indulged in extra-marital affairs, men are bound to get insecure about their own partner. The ever-increasing demands of wives from their husbands further add reasons to their discomfort and fear,” feels psychiatrist Sanjay Chugh.   

Celeb Speak: (Shekhar Suman)

“Men often find it difficult to stay at pace with their ‘Super Woman’. The modern day husbands find their wife playing multi roles with a lot of gusto (being the mother, daughter-in-law, colleague, senior/junior/home manager etc..) and efficiency. They are cooking up a meal for guests, driving their kids to the doctor, calling up the car mechanic to check the snag in their car and the list is long. Seeing such high energy level, the so-called ‘stronger sex’ feels feeble before their ‘weaker counterparts’. This is what makes them diffident about their own identity and worth.     

Other prominent reasons that make women secure and men quite self doubting can be summed up as under:

·        Girls now have a lot of financial and moral support from their parents even after marriage.

·        Television and media have given a lot of exposure of women, even semi-literate housewives.

·        Men themselves indulged in extra-marital affairs fear that the bold wife of theirs might retort or replicate the acts.

·        The increasing cases of divorce (most of which are filed by wives) are again adding to the qualms of male spouses.

What do men want?

What husbands say they expect and what they actually expect are not necessarily similar. “In their heart of hearts, a lot of men in urban India still want a wife who will be docile, servile, faithful, transparent, honest, someone will look after them and their families, yet manage to retain her looks and earn money for them,” feels Dr Chugh.

So, do they want themselves to be treated as Gods or pati-parmeshwar as Indian wives have for ages considered their husbands to be? “Not God, but definitely the superior of the 2 sexes,” acclaims Dr Singh. “That’s the way they have evolved, starting from prehistoric times when men went out for hunting and women cooked the meat in the cave and looked after the children. We have to give them time to cope with this fast pace of change that women are going through.”

A study….

A study by University of Chicago sociologist Ross Stolzenberg, published in the American Journal of Sociology points out that husbands of women who worked more than 40 hours a week showed poorer health indicators as compared to men whose wives were housewives or whose wives were in less threatening jobs like teaching or home working. The study had another interesting revelation. If you swap places and put the wives in the non-work mode as opposed to having husbands who clock-in long working hours, they showed relatively more robust health! So are we to conclude that women are better off when hubbies are at work than are men whose wives are at work?

Today’s men need a mix of what their mothers did for them and the power-packed women of today. They need to feel important in their partners' eyes, to be given that hug of acknowledgement and sense of belonging. What they need is some time, understanding and love.

My Friend, my Anchor

 

You hug them without inhibitions, there are no pretensions in this relationship — you are you and they are they, you love them, they know it, they love you, you know it! You know you can ask them to ‘shut up’ or wake them up at midnight for that shoulder to cry on … But, is it possible that sometimes we take this loving relationship a little too casually? We forget that we are fortunate to have been gifted with  this beautiful relationship – FRIENDSHIP. Let’s find out what it takes to keep this beautiful relationship forever beautiful.

In kindergarten, your good friends shared their red crayons and chips with you. In Class XII, they helped you ‘win’ your girl and get the model test sets. After graduation they told you ‘she didn’t deserve you’ every time your girl ditched you. Then they went out of their way so that you could marry the one you loved and were the happiest when your baby called them ‘uncllll’.

The definition of a friend may change at different stages of our life, but the importance of a friend remains unchanged throughout the years.

“A good friend always remembers who we were and sees what we can be” – Unknown

Psychologists claim that having relatives does not increase your lifespan but having friends does.

How do friendships grow?

Friendships need time to grow and strengthen. Always accept your friends as they are. Don’t expect them to change for you. Be a good listener and refrain from offering advice or moralizing every time. Respect your friends’ point of view. Try to keep your cool when they are angry. Also, try to be with them not only when you need them but also when they need you. Most importantly, appreciate your friends. Be a true confidant who treasures friends’ secrets in his heart. Always guide and stop them when they go astray. Don’t crib over small issues. Be understanding when your friends come up with a last minute change in plans. And if it’s you who changes the plan, learn to say sorry.

Strengthen your friendship

• Just a few harsh words can break your friends’ heart.
• Your friends might not want to share everything with you. Understand their feelings.
• Don’t be dominating or authoritative.
• Never betray your friends’ trust.
• Never criticize or chide your friends in public.
• Never support your friends when they are wrong.
• Never lie or boast before your friends.
• Be there when they need you but don’t forget to respect their space.

Keeping in touch …

Howsoever far or busy you might be, always keep in touch with your friends to make them feel that they are still an important part of your life. Try the following:

• Send e-mails.
• Call once a week or twice. It does not take too long to connect hearts.
• Keep in touch through brief messages left on answering machines or SMSs.
• Send an occasional card.
• Send recent snaps with your family, friends and colleagues. This will make them feel included in your happiness.

Why do friendships break?

You were best of friends and never had an argument before. Then how did the friendship break? Misunderstanding and miscommunication can separate even the closest of friends. Generally the issues are trivial, which if not resolved immediately, may result in break-ups. According to senior psychologist Madhumati Singh, “It is not that friends begin disliking each other, but after sometime, the informal bond starts converting into a taken-for-granted relationship. In friendships that break, either both or one of the friends eventually becomes short-tempered, uses rough language and gives less time to the other. This communication gap creates space for misinterpretations between the two.” Over-expectations, ego clashes and competition in financial status, academic level or job, can lead to breaking of bonds.

When Friendship Hurts

Everybody makes mistakes, even our nearest and dearest friends. That is a truism that can’t be avoided or changed. So, what do you do when a friend says or does something that hurts you? Here are some tips.

Keep Things In Perspective: Some days we’re much more sensitive than others. The same comment that hit a nerve on Thursday wouldn’t have fazed you on Friday, so it’s important to keep things in perspective. Just as we can occasionally have a bad day, so can our friends. Illness, personal problems, or even lack of sleep can cause friends to say or do hurtful things unintentionally.

The Molehills: Small slights and harmless mistakes happen all the time in every type of relationship. Most of them should be ignored. After all, we wouldn’t want someone harping on every mistake we make. But, there are times when you just can’t let it go, no matter how small – or the hurtful thing may be something that is done repeatedly. Then you need to sit and talk. Most of the time, our friend may not realize we are angry about something.

The Mountains: Some errors are mountainous when it comes to the kind of pain they cause, and cannot be ignored. A natural reaction to something a friend does that seriously hurts us may be to walk away and wait for an apology. But, why wait around with your feelings all in an uproar? Talk to your friend about what he or she has done as soon as possible. Perhaps the entire incident was a big misunderstanding, perhaps not.

Don’t Hold A Grudge: Whether the problem was a minor molehill or an immense mountain, once you’ve said, “I forgive you”, be true to your word. If you’ve truly forgiven your friend for the error, you won’t treat him/her any differently than before the incident, and you’d never bring it up again.

The Unforgivable: Sadly, there are times when a friend says or does something to us that we find unforgivable, and that basically spells the end of the friendship. Only you can decide what type of mistake falls into that category.

Setting limits …

For maintaining long-term friendships, set certain limits. For example: a friend never makes it to the end of the month on a budget and you end up paying his bills. There cannot be a long-term solution to something like this. In friendship, a balance must be maintained. Remember you are not being helpful – you are simply creating a parasite!

Your friend is someone who doesn’t hesitate before telling you your follies and is the first one to walk side by side with you, be it in good times or bad. It is a matter of fact, that as the relationship keeps on strengthening, it also becomes more and more delicate as well. Let’s simply make a promise never to hurt a friend!                            

                                                                                                              

LIVING TOGETHER… TODAY OR FOREVER?

LIVING TOGETHER... TODAY OR FOREVER?


By Shilpi Shukla Alexander


The bold, intrepid and enterprising young guns today are not just venturing into new and quite unheard career avenues. Their hits n trials have also begun permeating into a one-time concrete and non-porous institution, called marriage. A peep into the various facets of living-in relationships…

Are the smart, bold and professionally proficient Adams and Eves of today, insecure? Or are they futuristic and pragmatic? The reason could be either, but the fact in the contemporary times is that the chiselled beauties and handsome hunks strongly feel that along with financial independence it is quite pertinent to have a ‘first hand’ experience with their partners before committing themselves to a marriage. And thus begins a live-in relationship?

In the opinion of many in the young mob, such warm-up sessions help both of them in future to live up to each one’s expectation and enable them to avoid situations like extra-marital affair or divorce.

Although it is the product of western society, its rage and vogue can be felt and acclaimed all over the globe. The wave of living together is the most uprising social issue in urban India. With the turn of the century, its impact is deeply seen in the minds of Gen-X males and females even living in sub-urbs and small towns of the nation.

A non-debatable debate

“What is the problem in living together?” questions Sneha Arora, a management student, who has recently shifted to her boyfriend’s apartment. “Neither do I view it as a dry run. We will get married if this works for say 6 months. It helps to see how your ‘dream partner’ is 24/7, and then you can really ascertain if this is what you want.” A web designer Kartik Sen adds in accord, “What is so horrible about living with a person you love without legalising the union? Just having a piece of paper does not forecast a long and happy relationship, it’s the little compromises one makes that go far. It’s better to learn making those adjustments before marriage. So why does a little piece of paper matter so much to the Indian community?” So are there adjustments involved?

Easy, aren’t they?

Is living-in not a easier way of enjoying the company of your beloved without any legal binding? Almost all living-in couples proclaim that living together is not easy. “There are so many things about Rahul that literally irritate me. To mention a few: mess in the bathroom, not sorting laundry, not keeping the things in order, never helping in the kitchen and littering the cigarette-ash everywhere except in the ash-tray.” So, beware! Even if you love someone a lot, living together requires a lot of adjustments. Shashank Mittal, an event manager maintains, “Live-in relationships are just as difficult as marriage.” He explains, “And though the legal issues are not there, it in no way means that the amount of effort, commitment is any less.”

Proud to be an Indian

India – We are proud of its culture and traditions. It’s mythological and historical background boasts of grahastha ashram (in ancient times, a boy was supposed to get married at the age of 25, after he was done with his education at gurukul. And in the same country, this western concept crept in very smoothly and tranquilly. Is living-in relationship not an obscene mockery of our rich culture and traditions? “Look at the divorce rate in the country today and you will see that we definitely have a concern. Young, educated and employed people are having problems adjusting to each other,” live-in couple, Ayesha and Atul counter unanimously. Vipul Sachdeva, a chartered accountant adds, “I have friends who went into live in relationships but with marriage as the next step in mind. I believe that Indian mindset and the cultural milieu in which we are brought up deems marriage as a very sacred and pious act and sex as an aftermath of this. Thus something like live-in surely disturbs this image.” So, the next spontaneous issue is ‘sex’.

For love or sex?

Sharing the same apartment, the same kitchen, the same bathroom,……, the same bedroom. Need I say more? Sharing the same bed, sleeping together, waking up together,…… Isn’t something amiss? Does live-in relationship lead to sex or is it vice-versa? Sex is an inevitable aspect of a live-in relationship. Howsoever much it may be avoided in the initial days of being together (if at all it is!) A live-in couple reasons, “Most guys and gals have sex with their boyfriend/girlfriend before marriage. At least we don’t have to book a room in the hotel and get caught.” Quite bold, isn’t it! But doesn’t it destroy our cultural fabric? “I don’t think that live-in relationship would destroy the cultural fabric; merely correct the prudish and Neanderthal period attitude that we have towards sex,” feels call centre executive. Not to forget the recent ‘unmarried parents’ Angelina Jolie-Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes who have set new ‘Hollywood’ standards for this sexual liaison before marriage.

Before going in for a living-in…

It might seem exciting and fun but keep in mind that you are not married. There is no commitment involved. You both are just sharing a room and space. So just reconsider these points before taking the final decision ---

• There is no commitment (legal, financial or social) involved in this relationship.
• Be ready to compromise. There will be adjustment problems. Your partner might do certain things that drive you crazy. And they will not change it just because you are there. So you better get used to it.
• You both will be financially independent but money matters will be a sore subject. Be clear with your partner from the beginning how you want to settle this and deal with it. The death of a live-in relationship can be financially devastating. Without the legal protections of marriage, partners need to think strategically about protecting themselves.
• You might feel a lack of private space when you both start living in because till now you were used to being alone and on your own. Now you have to live with someone so be prepared for everything.
• The only time when living together before marriage doesn’t pose a threat to your relationship is after you’ve gotten engaged, have formally announced your engagement and set a wedding date.
  
  

Since you’ve publicly committed to be with each other forever staying together at this point will make your relation more exciting and romantic. Simply think twice before deciding to live with your partner. As the fact remain ---- There is no evidence that if you decide to try a live in relation before marriage you will have a stronger marriage.

MF Hussain: Redefining ‘freedom’

Has MF Hussain violated freedom of expression, enshrined in the Indian constitution? Who will decide this; the government, people or right wing Hindu parties? An open debate.

Eminent painter MF Hussain, at 95, was constrained to go into exile following a strident reaction by elements of the Sangh Parivar to his depiction of Hindu deities in the nude. While those who believe in freedom of expression at any cost have rued the Husain case, others not all of whom belong to the parivar have raised the counter question regarding the Prophet, and whether Husain, or any other artist, would be at liberty to portray him. There have hence sprung up numerous views and counterviews on the issue.

Does Husain’s departure raise questions about laws and state of democracy in India? Is Qatar more democratic than India? Isn’t the reaction to Hussain’s paintings a reversal of the tolerance of the plurality in India? Is Indian society, followers of Hindu religion in particular, dogmatic and unable to distinguish personal expressions from religious traditions?

Is it about the tolerance quotient in the land of diverse cultures?

India – through ages – has been a land where different ideologies, faiths and creeds have co-existed. But one wonders if things have begun to change in this land. For Nobel laureate Amartya Sen the issue is not simply about Hindu sensitivities. “Muslims protested the Danish cartoons, Hindus reacted to Husain’s depiction of Hindu gods; people of all religions have strongly fortified sensitivities today,” he says.”

Is the state of Indian politics to be condemned?

Be it Ambedkar’s Riddles of Rama and Krishna, Rushdie’s Satanic verses, movie Parzania, Da Vinci Code or Dogui Bodmas, it has been observed worldwide that creative outcomes are met with unethical aggression and violence by political parties, leading to banning of books and films. No matter how big or small the issue, no action is ever taken against the perpetrators of violence. Salman Rushdie wasn’t a supporter of the party in power when the British government came forward to support him in 1989. He admires the country’s principled stand. “It is strange that the Indian government has allowed this to happen to Husain,” says novelist Rushdie. Many more modernists and thinkers condemn political parties for adopting dual standards, taking on soft postures, giving a free hand to those who instigate violence, and for failing to implement the laws of the land firmly. Writer Shobha De opines, “The tragedy in Husain’s case is that his shrillest and most virulent critics are those who have never seen his work! These are the hired hands of political parties out to create mischief and propagate nasty, narrow- minded theories designed to spread hate, misinformation… and more. It is they who are far more dangerous to our society than any artist.”

How democratic is our democracy?

Management guru Arindam Choudhary opines, “Being a democratic country that India is, Indians have the right to offend and that a democracy should be large hearted enough to absorb such provocations. After all, did not B.R. Ambedkar ‘offend’ Hinduism so many times before and after he converted to Buddhism? Was not Periyar of Tamil Nadu, a leader and thinker who delighted in insulting symbols of Hinduism? How about the slogans of Bahujan Samaj Party sometime ago, which went like: “Tilak, Taraazu aur Talwaar; Inko Maro Joote Chaar”? What about the Chief Minister of Tamil Nadu M. Karunanidhi allegedly insulting Lord Ram during the Sethu Samudram controversy? The logic is: if so many have been ‘insulting’ Hinduism, why single out Husain and target him for the same?

The Hinduist views

As per Sangh Parivar and its allies, the protest is about respecting religious fundamentals and sentiments. Their concern is straight - Muslims can openly announce rewards of crores for the head of the Danish cartoonist without being condemned forget about being taken to court. Nonetheless, we Hindus cannot even condemn a genuine insult to our faith! Would Hussain, being a secularist that he is, go ahead painting the Prophet in the nude in Qatar? Would he be spared by muslims if he dared to do so?

The objection here is not about Hussain’s fondness for nudity in his paintings but about mentioning the nude females as Durga, Sita, Saraswati and Bharatmata. He could have mentioned them as Fatima or Uzma.

Speaking about freedom of speech, if Hussain has the right to portray what he wishes to, others have equal right to take offence for the same. The artists have full freedom to express views in the way they wish. But if against religious sentiments and masses in general, they should either be restricted to a private collection or for a niche audience with a taste for art.

The opposing groups do make a sensible point here.

Hindu art Vs Islamic. Is there a comparison?

Eminent media personality Jug Suraiya finds the question of painting the Prophet rhetorical. “Islam forbids any pictorial depiction of the Prophet. So the question has nothing to do with artistic freedom, or lack of it, but with that old bugaboo: 'weak' Hinduism as compared with 'strong' Islam,” he says, raising yet another question about the extremist might of the two religions.

Christianity has forever painted Christ in the nude and indeed at crucification often naked too. As have the Greeks and their Gods and Goddesses forever. Nudity has been a tradition in Indian and Hindu art, but never in Islamic art. So why the comparison? “It was just an artist’s exploration sans his religious identity,” adds Suraiya. Congress party leader Arun Shourie feels that by merely becoming a painter Hussain has taken on the repressive tenets of Islam that forbid its followers from pursuing any form of art. Therefore, since he is already a pariah in his own community, there is no need for Hindus to chastise him.

Degenerating the glorious past

On the above discussion, Hinduists make a point. Bharatiya Vichara Kendra director P. Parameswaran says, “In many Hindu temples, paintings have been showcased in the nude. But, it must be remembered that great Indian patriots like Swami Vivekananda have openly condemned such paintings and described such paintings as degenerate and not representing true Indian art. Nobody now admires them and no artist reproduces such paintings except Hussain.” It was against such paintings that the great Indian artists Raja Ravi Varma produced hundreds of portraits of Hindu gods and goddesses and won worldwide acclaim.

Segregating art from religion

It is against every principle of religious tolerance to persecute a man for a work of artistic merit that he has produced in response to a creative impulse. “There is nothing wrong in not liking Hussain’s art. You can easily opt out. A painting is a finite space of art. If it offends, don't enter that space. The worst thing is that artists are soft targets...we do not have armies portecting us," says Rushdie.

Candle in the Wind: Indian Judiciary

The Supreme Court ruled on the controversy two years ago. It said that Husain's paintings were not obscene and that nudity was common in Indian iconography and history. In its historic judgment in Husain’s ‘Bharatmata’ matter, the Delhi High Court while quashing the case against the premier Artist ruled that “sex and nudity in art, per se, cannot be deemed to be obscene and the merely vulgar does not equal the obscene”. In defining the standards of Art, the Court also observed that it will not use the "standard of a hypersensitive person" in defining what is obscene.

In another landmark judgment in the case of the Film Ore Oru Gramathile, the Madras High court laid down an extremely important principle that "freedom of expression cannot be suppressed on account

of threats of demonstration and processions or threats of violence. That would be tantamount to negation of the rule of law and surrender to blackmail and intimidation. Freedom of expression which is

legitimate and constitutionally protected cannot be held to ransom by an intolerant group of people".

Liberal Hindus Vs Extremist Muslims

When Ayatollah Khomeini issued his fatwa against Salman Rushdie or when Taslima Nasreen had to flee Bangladesh, Hindus clucked their tongues superiorly. In India, they said, Hindus would never use the power of the state to impose religious judgement on other people.

The common Hindu condemned the act of pulling down of the Babri Masjid by the BJP. “The Shiv Sena and the Sangh Parivar are now repeating that mistake. Hindus are not offended by the nation that their gods and goddesses might sometimes be portrayed nude and there are centuries of temple art to prove it,” says senior journalist Vir Sanghvi. The Rushdie and Nasreen affairs were seen by Muslims as intra-Islam matters. It wasn't much of a defence but the persecutors did nevertheless claim that they were acting within their own community. They were not forcing Hindus to accept some standard of Islamic correctness. “Even this defence is not available to the Shiv Sena. They are using an alleged offence to Hindu sensibilities to persecute a Muslim. What could be more medieval?” he questions.

Are these the forward thinkers?

They are so insecure about their identity that even a minor act offends them. Christian jumps on Davinci Code, Muslim jumps on Rushdie and Taslima Nasreen, Hindu mob rises against Hussain and vandalises his exhibitions. Is the problem with these countries, communities and people this that they have people like Hussain, Rushdie and Richard Dawkins who are hundreds of years ahead of their society consciousness. They will be thrashed when they are alive and will be praised by these scholars after their death as thinkers ahead of their time. 

While one can’t defend the right of M.F. Husain to offend and deny the equal right of some people to feel offended, is it high time we took to Gandhian ways of protesting? Have your speak at shukla.shilpi@gmail.com. 

Hrithik's Flying Kites

Hrithik’s Kites

This 36-year-old stunner has done a range of movies -- from sci-fi to superhero, from action to comedy, and from historical to motivational narratives. The blatant actor has yet again walked out of his safety zone to darn an all-new avatar --- the new-age romantic. The heart of Bollywood, Hrithik Roshan sports a new look and new character for his upcoming film Kites for which he’s all praises and positive. An upclose.

Your fans wish to see more of you. It’s been two-and-a-half years since Jodha Akbar.

I accept that I do very few films. You could say that I can’t multi-task. I get fully absorbed in the film that I am doing no matter how long it takes for it to hit the screens. I got this inspiration from the Tinkle comic books that I used to read as a child. It used to advocate that one should stick to one thing at a time to be successful and happy in life. This philosophy helps me remain grounded and focused to this day. Also, I feel that instead of boring the audience with nonsensical films in a row, it’s better to come up with just one film in a year but that should be worth the long wait.

Tell us about Kites.

It is a film about an Indian man’s affair with a Latin woman and their predicament as they don’t understand each other’s language. The film is being made in both Hindi and English. The English version of Kites has been presented and reworked by well-known Hollywood director Brett Ratner. All in all, it’s an honest film and my first complete romantic love story.

Why do you call it an honest film?

Well, nothing in the film, neither dialogues nor moments are made-up or fabricated so as to make audience jump with joy, clap, cry or laugh. It’s a very simple straightforward love story, something that would happen in real life. And following that thread whatever fell into place has made the film what it is.

You are the newest actor singer in the industry.

(Coyly) I never thought I would become one. I wasn’t too sure how I would perform in my debut as a singer. However, my uncle Rajesh Roshan and director Anurag Basu were confident that I would do a good job for I hail from the family of musicians.

So, how did you tune up your vocal chords?

Oh! Singing that one song took me many sleepless days and nights. I had asked for two months time, they gave me two weeks. Hence, I would start with sa re ga ma, right from the time I would wake up to brushing my teeth to taking the shower. I always sang with hand movements trying to reach the highest scale and the lowest note. However, when the actual recording time came, I had butterflies in my stomach. I got them to switch off all the lights in the studio because I was getting too distracted and conscious. Only when the whole studio was blacked out, did every note fall into place, or at least I felt that way (laughs).

You met with many accidents during the film’s shooting.

Yes. I hurt my knees while doing a dangerous car stunt in Las Vegas and later injured my arm while shooting in Filmistan Studio in Mumbai. Others were minor bruises.

How positive are you about the success of your film?

I never take up a project that I don’t believe in. More than the film’s budget or star cast, it’s the storyline and director that I pitch for. Kites has a perfect script and an excellent director. Also, Barbara has done a fairly good job and I have put in my heart and soul in the movie. As mentioned before, Kites is a very honest film. That was the brief that my father and Anurag Basu gave to the entire team while making Kites. We do not want to be within our comfort zone influenced by manipulative commercial thinking. I trust our efforts and sincerity more than marketing initiatives. Hence, I see no reason why my film won’t be appreciated by people.

Did you fly kites as a young boy?

Yes, I remember papa used to teach me. We used to live on the 13th floor of a building. I was too small and used to wonder that the kites seems so light but when it's flying, it's really hard...

How was it working with Barbara?

Barbara is simply superb. A fine actor and humble human being. Another reward for working on this film is finding a Mexican friend – genuine and considerate.

Much has been said about your alleged affair with co-star Barbara.

A certain section of the media needs to understand the difference between sincere journalism and despicable sensationalism. Journalists are widely trusted and respected by the public. A huge responsibility falls on their shoulders. I wish they realise this before it’s too late. Had my wife and children not been as understanding, I know not what this Instigation and provocation would have led to.

Do you think that India now has the means to make films that can stand their own on a global platform?

Sure we do. We have the expertise and also the required budget for the same now. It’s about time we started thinking of such novel ideas for we have no constraints now. Take films like Scarface or Once Upon A Time In America, for instance. Nobody breaks into a song. So, we too should let go of the safety nets.

But you have yourself sung for your latest movie.

Like I said before, it’s an honest film. The guy wanted to sing at a given point, and Anurag was very sure it had to be actually me. Good singing, bad singing, it didn’t matter. But the singing had to be from the heart.

Having reached the pinnacle of success today, where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

I can only see myself doing quality films till my last breath.   

Did you always want to become the best in the industry.

See, when one aspires to become an actor, every one visualises himself as being the top slot. This is the motivation that helps one enter films. However, once you start working, it is the journey you begin to enjoy, not the destination. Audience reaction is my access point to growth. They have loved me for 10 years and I feel truly blessed.

What next and… when?

Guzaarish in November this year. This is yet another film very close to my heart for I play a paraplegic, wheelchair-using patient suffering from impairments of the motor and sensory functions of the lower limbs. The film’s directed by Sanjay Leela Bhansali and casts Aishwarya Rai opposite me. She plays a married nurse who falls in l9ove with this patient.

Riteish Deshmukh - interview

The Innate Comedian

He’s like the guy next door. His smile is infectious and screen presence too enchanting. Most often than not, his cute facial expressions and not his dialogues do the acting for him. Every second shot of this endearing actor makes audience burst into peals of laughter. A favourite of one and all, Riteish Deshmukh talks about his recent films, his love for other genres and his upcoming educational institution and much more with Shilpi Shukla.

After Rann and Aladin you seem to have returned to your favourite genre – comedy.

Well, it is the other way round. Audience likes me best in the genre. I am comfortable in all genres but the audience seem to be most comfortable seeing me doing comedy. The audience remember me in comic roles as these films did well at the box-office while my performances in serious films were forgotten because the movies tanked. It wasn't like I was doing too bad in the films which belonged to non-comedy genres. Maybe if a Rann or an Aladin would have worked, it would have been a different story altogether.

What about your recent releases?

Jaane Kahan Se Aayi Hai and Housefull are completely different from each other because while the former is a romantic film, Housefull is an out and out comedy. Both the films are very close to my heart though. Comedy in Housefull is completely whacked out. It is over the top where things would be really on your face at one moment and then suddenly, the next scene would be far more subtle. There is a fine balance. On the other hand Jaane Kahaan Se Aayi Hai follows a romcom mood throughout. It is extremely youthful though the subtlety element is prevalent right through its duration. With JKSAH, I’m just getting back to where I started. It’s just that I have much more confidence now.

How did you take Rann’s poor business rating?  

Rann not doing well is ironical because whoever saw the movie liked it. The trouble though was that not many bothered to check it out at theaters. Till date people send me messages on Twitter that they happened to check out the movie on DVD and they loved it. My question to them is that 'Why didn't you see it in theaters? I wasn’t sure if people would take me seriously, after having watched me in so many comedies. But audiences loved me. I truly believe that it was the marketing aspect where Rann could have done a lot better. Probably we were unable to create that kind of urgency amongst people that would have enticed them enough to go and see the film in theatres.
 
How has your cine-journey been so far?

Terrific, I would say. God has been graceful and people from the industry have been very supportive. I had never thought I would get so much love from the audience, that too not because of my father’s political standing but because of my own mettle.

Not many know that you are an architect as well.

Many are taken by surprise when I reveal that I am a qualified architect. I studied architecture at the Kamala Raheja School of Architecture and have been designing alongside acting. My architecture firm Evolutions in partnership with another firm has designed a multiplex in Aurangabad and my hometown Latur in Maharashtra. There are a couple of things happening with the architectural firm which includes designing concept villas for a holiday home in Alibaug. That’s almost complete. Now, I am in the process of setting up a state-of-the art educational institution in Latur.

An educational instution?

Yes indeed. Education has always been a priority for me and it's important to have schools with good facilities where education is imparted in a newer and different system. My dad and brother run educational trusts in different villages but I want to build an educational infrastructure in Latur, which is as good as or better than the ones in Mumbai. We should start the school by next year.

You refused to kiss Jacqueline Fernandes, despite being asked to do so by director Milap Zaveri.
I don't like kissing in films. I have been asked to kiss in many of my films but have always refused. I am a very shy person and kissing is too intimate and personal an act for me to do in front of millions of eyes. I am not comfortable doing it. I can't be detached while kissing someone on screen. But I am not a prude. I would cringe to see myself kissing on screen but if others do it, I'm fine. I didn't kiss and finally we ended up shooting a cuter scene which expresses our romance much more than a kiss would have. I stand justified!

How was it working with director Milap? 

We share a good camaraderie. I hadn't done a romantic film after Tujhe Meri Kasam and was waiting for that right script to come my way. In between, I got stuck with comedies and like it happens, you get typecast easily if your movie works. That's what happened to me as well. The reason for accepting the film was simple. Its story worked for me. And now when I look back, I am genuinely happy that Milap decided to make a love story and offered me the role. Milap is a romantic at heart and even brought out the romantic in me.

Are there more sex comedies on the way?

When I did Masti, people appreciated me. Then, Kya Kool Hain Hum and Heyy Babyy happened. But the other day, some kids came up to me and said, “We aren’t allowed to watch your films.” That’s when I decided not to do films that can’t be viewed by an entire family.

Today, people call your dad Vilasrao Deshmukh (Minister of Heavy Industries and Public Enterprises) 'Riteish Deshmukh's father' more than they call you his son. How does that make you feel?
I don't know how to react. I can't weigh both to see which is more important to me as I am not in contention with him to prove who is more famous. I am very happy and proud to be his son. My head rises with pride when I'm called his son. But I hope I have emerged out of his shadow. The shadow is so big that it takes a while to come out of it. I know there are certain responsibilities I have to be aware of and things I am not supposed to do. I abide by that. In social situations, I perform on autopilot. The decorum has to be maintained.